Dreamers
by danique97
Summary: After Edward left Bella, she picks herself up and tries to live her life. Of course this doesn't go as planned. Bella faces new challenges and this time she is on her own.
1. May we meet again

Sooo... this will be my first story ever and hopefully someone will like it. Uhm please keep in mind that english is not my native language, but if you see a mistake that I have made, please tell me in the reviews. The story starts of in the woods where Edward tells Bella he is leaving. **I don't own twilight or any of the characters,** **but Stephenie Meyer** **does.** **The first** **chapter is symmatrical to the book, but I gave Bella a little bit more dignity. :)**

 **You could say I'd like her a bit more** **stronger. She will still be filled with undying love for Edward, so don't worry.**

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had. "You're not good for me, Bella."

He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him. He was everything I could've asked for, but for him I was no one special I knew that.

I just stared at him. His eyes were as cold as the words that just came out of his mouth. I've tried shouting and reasoning the only thing left was begging. I wanted to beg him not to leave me. As pathetic as it sounded, because right know dignity was all I had left.

"I... I understand."

My voice shook even though I only whispered it. My throat was thightening and I kept pushing the tears away. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

Be strong Bella. I didn't know why I told myself that. For me or for _him?_

He nodded, finally happy I gave in.

"I do want to ask you for a last favor if it isn't too much to ask."

I swallowed, but didn't say anything. I wanted to hear what he wanted first, because I didn't trust it. I didn't trust him anymore. After all this time he lied to my face about loving me. I don't know if I could handle anything else at this point.

His eyes narrowed when I continued my silence. "Bella, please don't do anything reckless or stupid." he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I wanted to tell him that stupid things usually found me, but I knew he wouldn't see it that way. So I nodded once.

"For Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself -for him."

And my last hope of him caring about me vanished. Had he even cared about me or was it all for show? Every touch, every kiss. Was all of it fake?

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed.

My heart ached after hearing those words. Nothing could wipe the image of him out of my brain. His existence was engraved in my memories.

My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice" I murmured. She would be gone too. All of them.

He was watching my face with a blank impression, as if he just met me. Was I now a stranger to him? "But why didn't she say goodbye?" Did she also pretend? Did one of them even like me?

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." Even now he was deciding what was best for me.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare. "Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice. I wanted to reach for him but my feet were nailed to the ground. It was like I couln't control my body anymore.

Edward waited. What is he waiting for? Maybe it was for me to cry. That would be logical, after all I was just a source of amusement for him. He calmly approached me, as if I would lash out if he made a wrong movement. Laying his hand on my cheek and stroking a few hairs behind my ears. His eyes searched mine. My lips parted. Would he give me a last kiss? Did I even want one?

 _No!_ Liar.

His thumb caressed my cheek just under the eye. Was I crying? I didn't know, I didn't care. He leaned in and when his lips kissed my forehead, it felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown on me. I snapped out of my trance and took control over my body back.

I stepped away from him. One. Two. Three steps. A flicker of shock crossed his face, but it was gone as soon as I saw it. It could have been an illusion. With the water pooling in my eyes and flowing over my cheeks, I could have mistaken a tree for a bear.

"Take care of yourself" He turned around and walked away. Away from me. One blink was all it took for him to vanish. I wanted to run after him. To clamp myself to him and never let go. I knew that he was long gone, going after him would be pointless. Nothing could keep up with a vampire. My eyes were still blurry and all I saw was green. I hate green.

I wiped the tears out of my eyes.

"May we meet again"

I whispered the words in the wind and let them be carried away by the broken leaves.

 **I know this chapter is short but because I wanted it to start and with this scene it had to be done. I promise that the chapters will be bigger in the rest of the story.**

 **X Daan**


	2. Gaps

One in front of the other. Again and again. My feet were working on automatic pilot. Arms swaying by my side. My chin tilted but my eyes casted down. Counting the cracks in the pavement, even though I knew there were seven. I avoided those, I didn't need anymore bad luck and I think Renee wouldn't appreaciate a broken back.

Pushing my weight against the door, it opened without any noise. I welcomed the familiar scent of the school hallway. It wasn't crowded, only a couple students were standing in the hallway. Talking with friends and opening their lockers. I felt their stares burning in my back as I passed them.

I knew by know that it wasn't going to stop. I considered myself lucky that the gossip did end. But that didn't stop them from looking at me like I was a alien monkey or something. This is why I avoided crowds. I still hate being the center of attention and that would never change.

It has been a month since _they_ left. Since _he_ left. To me it felt like yesterday. The days molded together in a grayish mist of his absence. Not once did the sun shine and if it did I wouldn't have noticed anyway. The first two weeks I was disconnected from the earth, I responded to no one. Charlie shook me out of it. I try putting on a smile for him, but it is failing miserably. All I can think of is _him._ I try so hard to distract myself with anything. But at the same time I just want to slip back in oblivion.

I opened my locker and grabbed the books I would need for first period. It was only 7:30, so I still had half an hour before class started. Taking a deep breath, I shut my locker and began walking in the direction of class.

The door was already open. Most teachers arrived early to prepare for their classes. I walked past Ms. Brooke's desk and muttered a hello. She was used to me coming early by now. She nodded in awknowledgement and continued with what she was doing. I sat down in my usual seat in the back and pulled out my homework.

There wasn't a math question that I had not done. I was working ahead on everyone else. Not just math, but every subject that I had. This was what my life came to. School, work, sleep. I wanted to include food on that list, but since I have been lacking in that department I should leave it out. It wasn't intentional but everything I ate tasted dull. I wasn't a big eater from the beginning. Now that I was eating even less, my body certainly showed the change. Even the baggy clothing didn't hide my skinny legs and tiny waist.

Charlie is now giving me lunch money everyday when I leave for school. Hinting that if I lose any more he is taking me to a doctor. It wasn't like I wanted to lose weight. I didn't like worrying Charlie, he gets way to attentive.

After all losing a couple pounds isn't that big of a deal anyway. Lots of people do it. I don't see what all the fuss is about, its not like I'm on the brink of death.

I knew he had a right to worry, after _he_ left I changed... a lot. I shut everyone out. I never talk unless spoken to. When people tried to have a conversation with me, I just gave them the most boring answers you could imagine. I gave up all fun things in life. No books, no music, no movies, nothing. I cleaned, cooked, made my homework and go to sleep. That is my routine. Day in day out.

"Bella could you answer the question please?"

I look up and noticed that the class was full with students -who were staring straight at me. I quickly scanned the board for the question I was supposed to answer. Fortunately I knew the answer to this problem. The students moved their stares to the front again. Atleast one positive thing that happened this month. Becoming a straight A student kept the teachers of my back.

This wasn't the first time a spaced out like that. It happened a lot this month. Gaps were beginning to form in my life and I was sometimes questioning what I did during those gaps.

The rest of the morning was much the same. Lunchbreak started and I was walking next to Jessica to our table. My friends didn't abandon me, They are still trying to include me in everything. How long would that last? I asked myself.

Sitting down next to Angela, who gave me a warm smile. She was the nicest. She didn't ask me how I was or tried to make me talk. I really appreciated that. Mike sat down on the other side of me. Great.

"So... Bella have you heard that there is a new Harry Potter movie coming out?" He asked and gave me a look full anticipation.

"Uhm no, I didn't" I replied indifferently. I knew where this conversation was leading to and I didn't like it.

"Yeah it's coming out next week and I was wondering of-"

"Hey Jessica did you know that there is a new Harry Potter movie coming out?" I quickly asked her. I didn't need to look at Mike to see that he was sulking. I just knew.

"Yes I know! I'm so excited, but I haven't found anyone to go with yet." She said sadly. It was obvious that she was eavesdropping on Mike and me. I didn't mind at all. It all played out wonderfully for me.

"Really? What a coincidence! Mike is still looking for someone to go with, right Mike?" I brought some fake enthousiasm in my voice. Nobody seemed to notice.

"Uh well... I was hoping-"

"I'm gonna get some food, I feel so hungry! Why don't you guys talk some more about Harry Otter?" I stood up and made my escape to the other side of the room, where all the food was.

When I walked back with just an banana, I saw that Jessica had moved to the spot where I once sat. She shot me an apologic smile and continued to talk to Mike who was still sulking. I grinned on the inside. Sorry Mike, but you should really take a hint.

After school I walked to my car and tried to stay out of sight. Mike was still trying to ask me out. Even after I send Jessica after him. I don't know how I can be any clearer without hurting his feelings and embarrassing him in front of his friends. It's like after _he_ left, his mission in life is to date me.

I got in my car and drove home and parking it perfectly in the driveway. I glanced down. _He_ forgot the radio. How could he forget the radio? After I found out he stole my birthday presents and basically everything that reminded me of him, I broke down and cried. Again. It reminded me of the awfull words he said.

 _It would be like I never even excisted._

But soon I found out that the radio Emmet installed was still there, that told me it was real. I stroked the buttons on the radio. I still didn't know how to use the thing. I never used it, just looking at it made me happy then, but looking at it now brought me only misery. Why did they leave me? Was I that boring? Was I just a plaything that kept them entertained for a while, but is eventually thrown in the thrash because it got old?

A little blue bird flew on the hood of my car. It trippled op and down, happily tweeting away and grabbing a little stick that lay on the hood. It was probably building his nest somewhere. It hopped from my car on a pole and before I knew it, the little bird was snatched away by the neighboors' cat. Instead of feeling bad for the bird I registered a pain in my hand.

I looked down. The nails in my left hand where crooked and bleeding. Great. I didn't even know what I was doing. The radio suffered even more than me. There were dents where my fingers gripped it tightly and some buttons had come of. I had ripped it out of the desk, while I was looking at my own live episode of Animal Planet. I grabbed the mutilated thing and headed inside.

Charlie always kept a first aid kit in the bathroom. I held my hand under the cold water and watched as the blood turned the water red. The sight made me sick.

 _Stay calm and don't breath through your nose._

I cleaned the wounds and bound the nails back to my finger with plasters. That's gonna hurt for a few days. Not to mention the questions on how it happened.

I headed to kitchen and started to prepare dinner. Being half useless with a injured hand, I made it myself easy and shoved some fish in the oven and boiled some pasta.

I heard the front door slam. Charlie came through the kitchen door who was still wearing his uniform.

"Hi Bells, How was school?" he asked

"Great, how was work?" I replied with a smile and moving the conversation on to him. He was used to it by know. But everytime I saw a little hope in his eyes that today would be different. Sorry to be such a dissapointment dad.

During dinner he talked about his day at work. Before I went into silent mode, he never really talked much about work. He didn't feel the need to fill the silence, because it was a comfortable silence. Since _they_ left and I sheltered myself, Charlie has done nothing but tried to make conversations. It was sweet in a way I guess. It showed that he cared a lot about me.

"Bella are you listening?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and focussed on Charlie. I did it again. And this time I had no clue as to what he was asking.

"Sorry I must have zoned out, what were you saying?" I asked

I suddenly noticed where he had his eyes on. My hand. Here come the questions...

"What happened to your hand?" He asked. His gaze was scrutinizing, waiting for me to explean.

"I tripped over the stairs on the porch and fell against the door." I lied. It was a believable lie for Charlie, he knows how clumsy I can get. I didn't want him to know that I injured myself pulling the radio out of my car while looking at a soon to be dead bird.

That would not make him think that I was getting better. Two weeks after my birthday he almost dragged me to the car. Saying he was getting me help. Because what I was doing wasn't 'healthy' apparently. I immediately snapped out of my zombie facade and tried to act normal. It was hard, but I managed to convince him that I would be fine.

"Oh does it hurt?" He leaned over the table and inspected my hand.

"No just a little blood that's all" I replied casually.

He let it go. "Dinner was great Bells, like always." I threw him a smile. Charlie started to clear the table. Ok thats enough awkwardness for today.

"Dad you don't have to help, go watch the game. I know it already started." actually I didn't know, but right now I really wanted him to stop hovering.

"Alright, alright." He chuckled.

When the kitchen was clean, I went upstairs and did some homework. After I was done I put on my pj's and crawled under the covers. I sighed. Knowing that my dreams wouldn't be pleasant. Nightmares were waiting for me. Waiting for the moment I slipped into unconsciousness to consume me.

 **I hope you like what I'm doing with the story and with Bella. Like I said I wanted to change her a little bit. So I have to build her character in the story, thats why there isn't much dialoge yet. Please comment and fav the story if you liked it and follow it if you want to be notified on when its updated. :)**

 **X Daan**


	3. Distractions

"Come on! Start!" I twisted the keys again. The engine started, but died as soon as I put my hands on the wheel. I sighed. Great, what am I supposed to do know? Charlie had already left for work and I didn't want to get driven in his police car. Surely that would attract a lot of attention. I still had thirty minutes before school started.

I climbed out of the truck and walked in to the garage. Maybe I will find some tools and try to fix it myself. But I found something better. My bike. It stood in the corner of the garage. Still looking like it did four years ago. It was mint green. And had the same little stickers I had put on it, as a kid. I squeezed the tires, those were a little on the soft side. Charlie must have a pump somewhere. After pumping the tires, I made my way to school.

I actually liked riding my old bike. Feeling the cool October air in my face, pushing the hair out of my sight. I kept it at an easy pace. My feet rotating the pedals in a nice rhythm. Staying on the right side of the road, so that the cars could pass me without running me over. Even though I got it for my fourteenth birthday, the bike wasn't to small. I remember that back then, it was actually a little to big for me. Now it was perfect.

Forks high school was only tree miles from home. It took me fifteen minutes to get to it. I parked my bike with the other ones, on the other side of the parking lot. Because I biked to school, I wasn't as early as I normally was. But I wasn't late either.

The day was as boring as ever. Sitting in class and spacing out, while the teachers droned on about a subject I already knew. When I walked out of school with Angela and Ben they noticed I wasn't walking to my usual parking spot.

"Where is your car?" asked Angela, still searching for the red truck.

"It broke down this morning," I replied.

I pondered in class about where I could let it be fixed the cheapest. There weren't any in car mechanics Forks, I knew that. Port Angeles maybe, but from what I heard the were anything but cheap. Right now, I considered sticking with my trusty bike.

"Do you need a ride home?" Ben asked politely.

Ben was really sweet. I was thrilled when Angela told me that they were dating. She deserved him. Both of them fit each other perfectly.

"No that's ok, I rode my old bike." I pointed across the parking lot to the bike section.

"I'm surprised, you don't seem much like a bike person to me," Ben mused. "Or any type of sport"

He probably heard the stories about me in gym class. There were a lot of them, I imagened. If people made a selection of the most clumsiest people in school, I would be number one.

"Don't worry, I live on the east side of town, so there is no chance of me crashing into your car." I said jokingly.

He laughed. "I'm just concerned for the poor soul who is living there"

"You can't save everyone, Ben." I responded with a wink.

He gave me one back and hugged Angela to his side, who was listening to our exchange with amusement. They looked so happy together. My mood plummeted instantly, thinking of how happy I was just a month ago.

"I see you guys later, ok?" I turned around before I heard their goodbye's.

The bike ride back home was the same. I kept looking at the tree's, their branches swaying peacefully in the wind. Maybe Charlie could help me bring my car to La Push. Jacob Black was somewhat handy with cars. It would save me a lot of money if he could fix it. I haven't seen Jacob since prom, when he deliverd a message for his dad, telling me to stay clear of the Cullens.

I had no doubt that Billy Black knew the secret of the Cullens. Otherwise he wouldn't have made such an effort to make me realize his disaproval with my involvement in the Cullens. Not that it mattered to me at that time. I knew what I was doing.

 _Did you?_ Said a little voice in my head.

I ignored it. The past is in the past. I promised myself and Charlie to move on. To get better. To be the normal human, that _he_ wanted me to be.

When Charlie got home I told him about my car. He wanted to go to la push anyway and was surprised when I asked if I could come too. I haven't been there in a while, so his reaction wasn't surprising. I just smiled innocently and walked to the car. On the ride there I just stared out of the window, taking in the scenery.

Jacob changed a lot. Now towering over me with a impressive height that should be around 6'4. He smiled and embraced me in a tight hug, I noticed that his height wasn't the only thing that changed him. Appearantly he grew some muscles too, which wasn't hard to overlook after that hug. His face was still sweet like I remembered it, though it had hardened, too—the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone.

"Hi Bella!" His grin was contagious, making me smile back. I don't think that I have ever seen him upset or angry.

"You grew again!" I accused in amazement. He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. "Six five," he announced with self-satisfaction. His voice was deeper, but it had the husky tone I remembered. "Is it ever going to stop?" I shook my head in disbelief. "You're huge."

My dad was already inside, probably eager to see Billy. Those two could become such kids when they get together. Billy often came to our house to watch the baseball game with Charlie.

"So what brings you—a pale face to our little reservation," He joked. We started walking on the path to his garage. I remember that he was trying to build his own car. However that was ages ago, I wonder if he finished it. I decided to mess around a bit. "All my friends dumped me and now I'm holding auditions for new ones." I said with a poker face.

"Well, well, well," He said with a teasing smile on his face. "And what makes you think that I want a new friend?" He opened the door to his garage and walked inside, with me following his footsteps. The car—which I was wondering if he finished stood proud in the middle of the garage. "You may not know it yet, but my friendship is a gift, which a lot of people would die for. Hence why I'm holding auditions." My voice sounded snobby and my face made an impression similar to those mean girls from TV.

"Well in that case, how is the audition going for me?"

"I can't tell you yet, after this one I have still hundreds to go." I couldn't hold my face straight anymore and let the giggles out. Jake laughed along with me. I was strangely comfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painful reminders of the recent past. This place was like a escape from reality, it was just what I needed.

"Actually I was wondering if you had time to look at my car sometime?" I asked. I didn't mind riding my bike to school, it was rather nice to be honest, but if I wanted to go to farther then I would need a car. I shuddered at the thought of Charlie driving me everywhere.

"Sure, I can come by tomorrow if you're not busy?"

"No that's perfect!" I was already grateful that he made time for me.

"And... I was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time." I asked shyly. His face broke out in a smile—that kind of reminded me of the joker. His eyes were lit up, as if I brought him the greatest news ever.

"Yeah! Swee-eet," he made the word into two syllables.

"I see that you are still working on your car?" I nodded my head in the direction of his Rabitt.

"It's almost done. Just a few last touches and it will ride like a brand new one."

"You can work on it now if you want to, I don't mind." I hoped he didn't feel like he couldn't work on it, because I was here.

"Are you sure? We can do something else if you want to. This would probably bore you to death and I haven't been your friend long enough for me not to feel guilty about that." He said with a wink.

"No really, maybe I learn something from it—so next time I can fix my own car." I said, while sitting down on the car seat that leaned against the wall.

"I doubt that," He teased. I simply stuck my tonge out behind his back and watched as he started on his car.

"Maybe its good that you haven't finished it yet, after all I do remember your still fifteen" I teased him.

"You're wrong" he teased, narrowing his eyes in mock resentment. "I'm sixteen."

"Sorry about your birthday."

"Don't worry about it. I missed yours. What are you, forty?"

I sniffed. "Close."

"We'll have a joint party to make up for it."

"Sounds like a date."

His eyes sparkled at the word.

I needed to reign in the enthusiasm before I gave him the wrong idea—it was just that it had been a long time since I'd felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage.

We talked some more and I forgot the time completely, untill Charlie stuck his head into the garage and announced that we're going home. Jacob walked us back to car. Billy sat in his wheelchair on his porch. I smiled and waved at him.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I looked at Jacob.

"Yes, thank you so much Jake!"

"Bella, I haven't even fixed your car yet." He said.

"I know, But still... thanks." I hugged him goodbye and walked to the passenger side of the car. I got in and Charlie drove off.

"You seem happy"

I looked at Charlie and saw him smile a little—while keeping his eyes on the road. I was happy, it felt like the hole in my chest healed a little after today. I didn't think of _him_ all the time. I even laughed more today than I did this whole month.

"Yeah—Jake is really nice," I said, while looking out the window with a smile on my face. My gaze upwards, I saw the tops of the tree's whiz by over my head. Their leaves swaying in the wind. The sun was beginning to set. And the sky was a deep blue with a orange and pink glow on the horizon.

"I'm sure he thinks the same about you"

"Hmhmm," I replied, distracted by the peacefulness of the outside world. I felt content, warm and dreamy, like nothing could hurt me. For now.


	4. Motor fun

The next few weeks I hung out with Jake a lot. It didn't matter what we did—sitting in his garage, walking on the beach or watching a movie. We always had fun. Sometimes I would help him with his homework. Even that was better than being alone. He still looked at me different than a normal friend would. I saw it, behind his warm muddy brown eyes. He was falling for me. I knew that I couldn't feel for him like he felt for me. The black hole in my chest was still there, even he couldn't make it go away. No. I would not trust someone so fast anymore to give them my heart and soul. I did once and that was a huge mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life.

Jacob was like family. The little brother I never had and my best friend. He knew me, he knew everything I never told him, but he still knew. He never brought up painful memories, the ones that would have me clutching at my stomach, gasping for air. For life. He knew what to say and not say.

My dad was happy too. Happy to finally see me smiling again. To have a normal conversation that wasn't one sided. I was picking up my life. My old life, before _them._ I listened to music and read again. But not _Whutering heights._ I threw that one away. For two reasons: it made me think of him—he used to comment on how I was rereading it all the time and it was a book based on romance. Something I wasn't into anymore. I stepped up my game. Recently I bought a lot of thriller books. They were really addicting. My favorite was _The unbecoming of Mara Dyer._ It kind of makes you question if you're crazy, while you read it.

I looked outside the window. The tree's were almost completely leafless. It was mid-November, everyday it got colder. I already bought my winter coat. The wind was harsh today. The tree's are swaying and I could hear the whistling noise against the window. I sighed, well at least it wasn't raining. Yet.

I walked down the stairs. Charlie had already left. Today was Saturday, which means no school. I usually got to Jacob's around eleven. It was only 9:00. I grabbed some cereal, might as well eat some breakfast. After I finished breakfast and read the newspaper it was 9:30. Still no rain outside, I was lucky. I grabbed my bicycle—My truck officially died, even Jake couldn't fix it. So I got everywhere by bike or bus. I never felt more sporty in my life. I got my appetite back, but not all the weight that I lost. I was biking to much for that. Sometimes I would get a ride back from Jake—he didn't want me riding back alone in the dark. He finished his rabbit, so I guess he just wants an excuse to ride it. I didn't mind.

Setting my bike against the wooden railing from the porch, I made my way to his garage. He already found something else to work on. A motorbike, He got it of some kid who threw it by the trash. Jacob being Jacob, grabbed them and found his knew mission in life. There were two bike's, Jake offered to fix them both, one for him and one for me. I declined. I'd rather not get killed by Charlie. If he ever saw me riding that, I'm sure he would have a heart attack. So now I helped him with fixing it—and by that I mean giving him tools when he had his hands full. Besides that I just watched and talked, while listening to his radio.

I was walking inside his garage. Jacob was kneeling in front of his bike. This was the perfect opportunity, I was going to scare him. Slowly and quietly sneaking op on him. Three steps. Two steps. One ste-

"Hi Bella"

"Damn it!" I cursed. "I almost had you," I sighed and sat down on the made couch.

"Sure, sure, whatever helps sleep at night" He turned around with a grin.

"My teddy bear of course."

"Didn't think you of all people would still sleep with a teddy bear." He teased.

"I would never get rid of that bear," I said seriously. I actually have a bear. His name is Mr. Fluffles, if I remember correctly he should be under my bed, in a box.

I suddenly noticed that his bike looked more evolved. He is sure eager to finish. "Wow Jake, your bike looks almost finished." I said.

"Yeah, last night was a late one. My dad almost had to drag me away from the garage." He chuckled.

"So today I will get to see you ride on it?" I asked.

"Hopefully, maybe you can take it for a spin too?" He replied.

"Uhh... I don't think that is smart," I mumbled.

"I can teach you." His voice full with confidence and his eyes projecting trust. "We'll start slow, just the basics. Starting it up and how to pull the break." He promised.

"We'll see, you still have to master it on your own first." I threw him a challenging grin.

"Ha! I was born for this." He said in a-supposedly-manly voice.

"Cocky much?" I lifted one eyebrow.

"No, just confident." He smirked and went back to work.

After an hour or two it finally happened. His bike stood in the center of the garage. Finished.

"I guess we'll have to test it out huh?" I asked.

"Yeah! Come on lets get this show on the road!" He said excited.

After throwing some gas in the tank. We walked the bike to a secluded road, somewhere no one came according to Jacob. At first Jacob wanted to drive on a normal road, but after some convincing on my part—that it wasn't the smartest idea. We settled for this abandoned one. It had more cracks in it than I could count, but at least it was made of concrete.

"So... Do you even know how to ride that thing?" I asked with some doubt.

"Have a little faith in me Bells. I saw my cousin ride one all the time when I was younger, when I became older he let me ride it." He spoke while fumbling with the clutches.

"Hm-Hmm." I took a step back when the motor suddenly came to life. The engine sounded like a angry animal. Jacob planted his feet on the bike and he flew forwards. His speed was gaining, until he neared the end of the road. With a smooth turn, he turned around and came with the same speed back. Stopping a few feet away from me.

"Wow! You did great Jake!" I said enthusiastic.

"He rides like a new one." He shook his hair out his face. I just noticed that he wasn't even wearing a helmet.

"Do you want to try?" He asked and stepped of the bike.

"No-I don't think—"

"You'll be fine, I promise" His hand took mine and he pulled me over to the bike. I sighed. With my luck I will probably fall and break every bone in my body. But then again, it did look like fun.

"Ok, I'll give it a try" I gave in.

I threw my leg over the seat and planted my butt down still keeping my feet on the ground. After Jake gave me all the names and information about the bike, he began quizing me.

"Okay where is the clutch?"

I pointed to the lever on my left handlebar. Letting go of the grip was a mistake. The heavy bike wobbled underneath me, threatening to knock me sidewise. I grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight.

"Jacob, it won't stay up," I complained.

"It will when you're moving," he promised.

"Now where's your brake?"

"Behind my right foot."

"Wrong."

He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over the throttle.

"But you said—"

"This is the brake you want. Don't use the back brake now, that's for later, when you know what you're doing."

"That doesn't sound right," I said suspiciously. "Aren't both brakes kind of important?"

"Forget the back brake, okay? Here—" He wrapped his hand around mine and made me squeeze the lever down. "That is how you brake. Don't forget." He squeezed my hand another time.

"Fine," I agreed.

"Throttle?" I twisted the right grip.

"Gearshift?" I nudged it with my left calf.

"Very good. I think you've got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving."

"Uh-huh," I muttered, afraid to say more. My stomach was contorting strangely and I thought my voice might crack. I was terrified. I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.

My stomach wasn't buying it.

I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on every side. The road was sandy and damp. Better than mud.

"I want you to hold down the clutch," Jacob instructed.

I wrapped my fingers around the clutch.

"Now this is crucial, Bella," Jacob stressed. "Don't let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend that I've handed you a live grenade. The pin is out and you are holding down the spoon."

I squeezed tighter.

"Good. Do you think you can kick-start it?"

"If I move my foot, I will fall over," I told him through gritted teeth, my fingers tight around my live grenade.

"Okay, I'll do it. Don't let go of the clutch." He took a step back, and then suddenly slammed his foot down on the pedal. There was a short ripping noise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. I started to fall sideways, but Jake caught the bike before it knocked me to the ground.

"Steady there," he encouraged. "Do you still have the clutch?"

"Yes," I gasped.

"Plant your feet—I'm going to try again." But he put his hand on the back of the seat, too, just to be safe.

It took four more kicks before the ignition caught. I could feel the bike rumbling beneath me like an angry animal. I gripped the clutch until my fingers ached.

"Try out the throttle," he suggested. "Very lightly. And don't let go of the clutch."

Hesitantly, I twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath me. It sounded angry and hungry now. Jacob smiled in deep satisfaction.

"Do you remember how to put it into first gear?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Well, go ahead and do it."

"Okay." He waited for a few seconds.

"Left foot," he prompted.

"I know," I said, taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asked. "You look scared."

"I'm fine! And you were the one that convinced me remember?" I snapped. I kicked the gearshift down one notch.

"Very good," he praised me.

"Now, very gently, ease up on the clutch." He took a step away from the bike.

"You want me to let go of the grenade?" I asked in disbelief.

No wonder he was moving back. "That's how you move, Bella. Just do it little by little."

As I began to loosen my grip.

"Oh!" I gasped, and my hand fell off the clutch. The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of me. The growling engine choked to a stop.

"Bella?" Jacob jerked the heavy bike off me with ease. "Are you hurt?"

"No," I moaned.

"You sure?" He asked cautious.

"Yes, I'm ok, but I'm not getting on that thing again." Jacob lifted the bike of me and I raised myself up from the ground. All my limbs seemed fine when I stretched them. Nothing broken and no blood. I call that a success.

"No. You were right, I'm sorry for pushing you to do it." He apologized. "But you could sit behind me while I ride?" He offered. "Or are you totally freaked out by bikes now?"

"I think I can handle that." I smiled.

He got on the bike and waited for me to climb on it behind him. He started the bike and we were flying down the road. It felt amazing. The speed was exhilarating, blowing the hair out of my face and making me feel like I was flying. I had my arms clutched around Jacob. We were nearing the curve. I was suddenly scared. What if Jacob couldn't make it with me behind him? I held my breath as we were beginning to make the turn. Jacob leaned with the turn and I copied him. After the turn was over I couldn't help the giggle that came out of my mouth. Jake turned his head around and shot me a full grin. I hugged him closer.

"This is amazing!" I shouted.

"I know!" he responded in the same excited tone.

We drove a little bit further and we stopped somewhere a long the river. We sat down on the grass and I grabbed the snacks I brought a long.

"You want a cookie or a carrot?" I asked, holding one in each hand in his reach.

"Is that a real question?" He retorted, snatching the cookie out of my hand.

"Some of us like to be healthy Jacob" I bit a chunk out of the carrot.

"Bella... you are the last person I know that needs to be healthy." He looked me up and down. "I think you should eat my really unhealthy but super delicious pasta sometime. My friends always try to stay for dinner when I make it."

"I didn't know you could cook"

"My sister taught me before she left. She didn't want us to starve." He chuckled.

"How nice of her"

"Well I could take a break from cooking tomorrow, I'll just ask Charlie if he wants to join. You don't mind cooking for four? I could help you with it."

"Sure, Those two won't mind."

The sun was coming through and I closed my eyes and enjoyed it for as long it would last. I heard Jacob shift beside me. He put his arm around my shoulders.

"Jake," I protested, leaning away.

He dropped his arm, not looking bothered at all by the minor rejection. He reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist when I tried to pull away again. Where did he get the confidence from?

"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell me something."

I grimaced. I didn't want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever. There was nothing lett in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.

"What?" I muttered sourly.

"You like me, right?"

"You know I do."

Why? Why? Why now? I don't want to lose him. I _Can't_ lose him.

"More like other guys, the guys you go to school with?" He asked, probably knowing the answer.

"Yes, but—"

"You don't see me like that either," he confirmed.

I nodded.

He grinned down at me. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good-looking—sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."

"But that's just it Jake... I don't think that I am going to change." I said sadly.

"I know Bella." He said softly. "I know he hurt you"

I cringed. This was something I've never talked about with him. He always knew that I didn't, it made spending time with him even better. Like life in Forks before Jacob was a long time ago. I was starting to feel the pain again. The hole that I was slowly beginning to close, teared open again.

"Yes he hurt me" I whispered. "And I will _Never_ let that happen again"

"I'm not him. I would never do that to you." He vowed.

I looked up. He was gazing at me. His hand slipt from my wrist to my hand, entwining our fingers.

"I can't Jake. I just— can't" I tried to take my hand out of his, but he didn't let go.

"I know it's not what you want right now and that's okay." He said not bothered by my rejection. "I will give you time, be the friend you need. And when you're ready, I will still be here, waiting for you." He promised.

"I wish you didn't," I sighed. "I'm not worth it Jake. I'm not"

"You are to me."

I let him hold my hand. We enjoyed the sun and after it hid away behind the mountains, I realized how late it was getting.

"Come on. I'll drive us back." Jacob stood up and lend me a hand.

"Maybe I should drive us back."I joked.

"Thanks, but I'd rather not die today."

I sat behind him on the bike and we flew over the road again. I would never get tired of this. I sighed, thinking back to our conversation. I knew it wasn't fair to not give him a chance. Maybe he was right and I would be happy with him. I just didn't want to hurt him more. What if I gave him a chance, but would never feel the way that he feels for me, while he is falling more and more in love with me each time we spent together. It would hurt him only more in the end. I would lose him. He won't want to be friends anymore after that. No this was the right choice. Jacob will get over me. He had to.

We arrived at his home in less than five minutes. Jacob helped me of his bike and walked it to the garage. He closed the door when he got out and walked back to me

"I tell Charlie that we're eating here tomorrow." I said.

"Alright, you're gonna love it," he told me.

"I believe it when I taste it."

I grabbed my bike holding it in one hand while I hugged Jacob with my other arm. He was warm like always. His hugs were the best. He embraced my tightly.

"I still have to breathe Jake." I laughed.

"Oops. Sorry, I sometimes don't know my strength" He said winking.

"Yeah right, hulk." I snorted. "See ya Jake!" I stepped on my bike and began peddling.

"Bye Bella!" Jacob shouted.

I hummed quietly to myself. It was already getting dark. Everyday it was getting darker earlier due the upcoming winter. I could handle the darkness as long as I'm dry. I looked up. Please let me make it home without rain, I begged at the sky.


End file.
